Reflection #7

This week of classes took a turn that I wasn't and probably would have never expected. For the first time since I have been here in DC, I was hit with an astounding realization of sincere gratitude. While doing our readings this week, I had an "aha" moment where I felt like I was where I belonged. The entire college admissions process was challenging for me, and I often questioned whether or not I belonged here at American. Before I even came for move-in, I developed a severe case of imposter syndrome and thought that I wouldn't be able to keep up intellectually with my peers. But, this week, something changed. I have no clue what it was. Maybe it was the stress of midterms that altered my mindset. Perhaps it was reminiscing on high school memories. Maybe it was the fantastic speech Susan Rice gave on Saturday, but whatever it was, I'm grateful for it. While doing the readings for World Politics and my seminar, I realized I was finally studying in fields that intrigued me. Had I gone to another school, say the University of Arkansas or UC-Boulder, International Studies would have been regarded as a blow-off major. I would not have received the education that I am now, and I recognize that fact wholeheartedly. Since I am a student at American University now, I can take Arabic and learn about constructivism to my heart's content. Beginning the week, I thought I would be miserable due to the aforementioned, midterms, but now I realize I'm lucky to get to take them at all. 

Along with this, the Subotic piece quickly became the favorite that I've read during our seven weeks here. Most of that probably has to do with the fact that I have previous knowledge of the Balkan war of the 1990s. My AP Biology teacher in high school was a Bosnian refugee who often told us about her war-torn childhood. This past summer, I chose as part of my senior trip to travel to Sarajevo and was able to meet up with my teacher. My mother, my teacher, and I went on a 'Times of Misfortune' tour and were able to grasp just how terrible the war was and how its effects are shown throughout the country. Walking throughout the city, you see street memorials to the victims of Srebenica, bullet holes in the buildings, and crumbling Serbian barracks that were blown up. Hearing my teacher talk about playing tag with her brother on Sniper's Alley and eating old Vietnam War rations was an extremely emotional experience. Maybe that is why the Subotic piece resonated with me so much. While reading through the article the first time, I had to stop on multiple occasions because of how angry I was. Angry that justice isn't attainable due to different meanings of truth and reconciliation. I now have a better understanding of the constructivist principles that explain these behaviors, but that does not make them any less saddening. When discussing the Subotic article during office hours, I was told how my entire demeanor changed when I first began talking about the issues involved in the article. Had PTJ never said anything, I probably would have chalked it up to me just being interested in constructivism. Browsing potential thematic areas in the past, I completely disregarded Justice, Ethics, and Human Rights, but now I'm not so sure. I want to look into the area further now and who knows, maybe in the future it'll be my primary area. But for now, I think I will focus on our classes and paper for next week and continue this journey of learning and realization.